Saturday, December 29, 2012

12-29-12 One step at a time

When I returned home I wanted to relax some. I wanted to take time and take more pictures, go for more walks, and mainly get outside more. While at Conserve I gained the confidence to sing at first just on front Mattie and Maeve and then eventually in front of the whole school. By the end of the year I performed "Man Of Constant Sorrow" by the Soggy Bottom Boys from Oh Brother Where Art Thou in front of all the students and their families. Before I had never had the confidence or the desire to sing, but sitting on the swings with Mattie and singing our hearts out made me feel freer than I have felt in my entire life. It was amazing. Now I miss more than ever sitting with Mattie and belting out what ever song that we are thinking of. I talked with her last night and it's those simple moments like the swings or lying in bed in the dark silence that I miss the most.

Today I spent my entire day almost completely sedentary, but completely productive. Ever since I heard about them at school I have wanted to apply. My terrific friend Ellie, recommended NOAA's Ocean For Life program which brings students from the Middle East and the USA together because they have the same dream of conserving the natural world and raising awareness. SCA is the Student Conservation Association where you go and work in a national park while backcountry camping. The applications were a long and arduous process, but they have been completed. All there is left to do is submit them and wait. I am so excited about the prospect of this summer!

The summer is looking promising, but the prospect of college applications is even more daunting. If this is what a summer program is lord knows what's waiting for me, but I have to toil through it if I want to go to Warren Wilson which is currently my dream for the future, but for now it's one step at a time. Tomorrow I am waking up at 6:00 am to participate in a Audubon Christmas bird count for the entire day! Let's get excited!

Thursday, December 27, 2012

The Lanyard - Billy Collins



The other day I was ricocheting slowly
off the blue walls of this room,
moving as if underwater from typewriter to piano,
from bookshelf to an envelope lying on the floor,
when I found myself in the L section of the dictionary
where my eyes fell upon the word lanyard.
No cookie nibbled by a French novelist
could send one into the past more suddenly—
a past where I sat at a workbench at a camp
by a deep Adirondack lake
learning how to braid long thin plastic strips
into a lanyard, a gift for my mother.
I had never seen anyone use a lanyard
or wear one, if that’s what you did with them,
but that did not keep me from crossing
strand over strand again and again
until I had made a boxy
red and white lanyard for my mother.
She gave me life and milk from her breasts,
and I gave her a lanyard.
She nursed me in many a sick room,
lifted spoons of medicine to my lips,
laid cold face-cloths on my forehead,
and then led me out into the airy light
and taught me to walk and swim,
and I, in turn, presented her with a lanyard.
Here are thousands of meals, she said,
and here is clothing and a good education.
And here is your lanyard, I replied,
which I made with a little help from a counselor.
Here is a breathing body and a beating heart,
strong legs, bones and teeth,
and two clear eyes to read the world, she whispered,
and here, I said, is the lanyard I made at camp.
And here, I wish to say to her now,
is a smaller gift—not the worn truth
that you can never repay your mother,
but the rueful admission that when she took
the two-tone lanyard from my hand,
I was as sure as a boy could be
that this useless, worthless thing I wove
out of boredom would be enough to make us even.

Pieces 12-28-12

Books books book... I love them so much. I am a bookworm, a nature geek, a robotics geek, bit of a nerd in general and love math. Wow sounds like I fit the Asian stereotype well. Who cares really? There are millions of labels out there  In English Jeff taught us to judge a book by it's cover, but when it comes to labels of people there shouldn't be a big sticker announcing who you are because it's always wrong. Well most of the time. I can't say all because there seems to always be an exception to the rule just waiting to prove you wrong. To stick a label on a person is to pass judgement on them without even knowing them. It's like the Conserve School application. List 5 words that would describe your personality. I promptly called up Laurel and we proceeded to fill the entire allotted space with words that describe me. The slots where I was supposed to say whether I was clean or dirty, night-owl or early bird... I customized my own checked boxes. If you really know a person they can't be summed up into a puny handful of words. if they can you need to chat with them for a while longer or you are a person who is REALLY good with words. You have to be friends with a poet laureate for me to believe you, and even then I might not take you seriously. 

Today there was a woman in Barnes and Noble who was helping be find Michael Pollan books. She needed by personal information so that the store could notify me when the book came in. When I told her my name was Bernard she immediately responded by saying, "I love it! It has a class that I haven't heard in a while." I think this was a very interesting comment. Most of the time names (especially last names) don't often tell much about the person. Sure kind woman at Barnes and Noble.. I'd like to think of myself as classy, but I don't think that that's what I really am. I'm more of the back to the earth type who wears tie dye and flannels with buttons that look like gears and wolves. The one who doesn't take showers as much as she probably should. The one who geeks out over LED poi and smartwool socks. That's me. Not in a nutshell not even a glimpse at who I am. That's a zillionth of who I am and terms like these should be a zillionth of who you are. Think about it. What makes you smile and laugh what makes you free and happy? What gives you comfort. Those are the things that will begin to define you. That is part of who you are.

Tuesday, December 25, 2012

12-25-12 Merry Christmas (or insert other holiday name here) 12-25-12

Merry Christmas, and to those who don't celebrate happy holidays. Looking for ward to 2013 yet? I'd have to say that 2012 was pretty good to me personally. The big example being the Conserve School experience. I love seeing all of these people, but as Mattie pointed out to me, I'm beginning to dread the phrase, "So how was it?" How am I supposed to sum up 4 months of feeling the happiest I've ever felt in my life with people who I thought would never ever meet. I know more about what I want to do with my life and how I want to live it, and definitely with what kind of people I want to live it with. Back to Christmas. Yesterday was Joy and Ken's neighborhood open house Christmas eve bash celebration/reunion with people you haven't seen in a while/good food eating/lots of laughing and story telling. It was really nice to see people. I forgot how many people knew I was leaving. Some of my neighbors have known me since before I could walk that including my best friend Laurel who was at the party. Funnily enough, the guy, Robby, that I mentioned that I had met at Arabia mountain and does city food foraging with and organization called Concrete Jungle along with being associated with Mr. Al Tate. He also is a member of the Environmental Education Association in Dekalb county. Well guess who showed up at the party with his wife? That's right... Robby! Dressed in his best hiking shoes and fedora and singing me the scat song! It was great talking to him again. He had just gotten back from Cumberland Island off the coast of Georgia and has been to Jekyll Island also off the coast. Two very special islands if I do say so myself.

So back to Christmas. I have to say that this Christmas was really good for a few reasons. Everythign that i got I can use. Examples being smartwool socks, LED poi, poems collected by Garrison Keillor, and a wonderful men's flannel! I am set for adventure and life in general now. I was telling my family that when exploring around Conserve campus I'd have my backpack with my pens, orange notebook, headlamp, camera, rain gear, poi, and Mattie's jacket. As the nature geeks say, "there is no such thing as bad weather.... dressed in the appropriate clothing!"

Speaking of clothing, I have been forced to take a shower. Apparently my hygienic conditions have gone down. I have to admit I probably need one, but really, I could be doing other things, like getting excited for the bird count with Joy on the 30th, or whacking myself in the head with the new poi, or listening to Billy Joel's Uptown Girl at an obnoxious volume level.

Happy holidays! :)

Saturday, December 22, 2012

12-22-12 lots and lots to say

I would like to start off my saying, I'm sorry to all of you guys who were hyped about the world ending... We're still here! Though I'm not sure how much more melting this planet can take. It's time to make a move people! Sitting around and chatting has obviously done nothing for us! Anyways enough of environmental ranting because I could probably go on for hours.

Today I baked tons of cookies with my sister and our godmother. Yeah, I'm not bound to a certain religion, but I have a godmother and I have to say its great. I have tons of moms! I had so much fun cooking and eating disgusting amounts of cookie dough. I think it finally reminded me that Christmas IS right around the corner. No more putting it off. I still have some gifts to make, but it's not an obligation so I hear, but I am having a ton of fun making them and can't wait to sent them to their receivers.

Yesterday featured a very interesting evening. My family, knowing that I want to be outside more etc decided that we should go on a night hike at Arabia Mountain. I was looking forward too it, but after hiking on a path that wasn't bringing us up a mountain I got rather discouraged. We finally reached a field and we knew we had gone the wrong way. Adventure time! We hung around in the open area looking at the rather bright dark sky. Mother promptly got a phone call and began to chat. Then a helicopter and I can't tell you how many airplanes went over. I suddenly broke down. Being outside in that very spot, lying on my back brought back so many memories and the outdoors was suddenly a painful reminder of all that I missed. The long nights with Mattie and Dexter on the sledding hill often joined by other people. The truly dark sky that was black and not just a pale blue. The stars that didn't move, but were actually planets and not the roaring engines of Delta. The wind that was cold as opposed to a wind that cooled my overheating body off. I broke down and couldn't stop the tears. It was such a horrible painful reminder of what once was, but hopefully will be in the very near future. All I could do was clap my hands over my ears and let my crying drown out all the other noise. Not a good way to calm yourself. I don't recommend it.

The rest of the evening was nice in case you wanted to know. I met a guy who incidentally knew Mr. Al Tate, the man who started my whole Conserve School experience when he wrote my recommendation letter. I owe you a lot, and if you are reading this right now, email me so we can go have coffee and I can tell you about my life changing adventure. I found out about a terrific thing that is called Concrete Jungle. It's a bunch of people who forage the lost fruits that fall on the ground all over the city and donate them to homeless shelter. I will hopefully be getting involved with that. I'm excited to go scoping out fruit trees at night, and it turns out that Mr. Tat's son is a co-founder of the organization.

I must say that the silence is definitely not for everyone. It's definitely for me. I'm sure of it now. I was talking to my godmother Susie and she was telling me how she had spent 3 days in the North Georgia mountains by herself and had almost gone crazy. She said she had to go back to the city. I spent my solos completely silent and could have happily been alone for much longer. I think that some people were made for the city. I used to never notice the noise, or rather not mind the noise. Now it seems like a constant soundtrack of screams in my ear. It could be because i'm new to the city now, but I also think I'm more of a rural person.

Off to ponder ways to reach silence while  constructing Christmas presents....

Thursday, December 20, 2012

12-20-12 Maeve's dream

So one of Maeve's dreams for the future is to live in a little blue station wagon and travel all of the country visiting people and wandering. SO I recently saw this and I think that she would like it. Check out this woman who lives in a tine little house that she pulls behind her car!

http://littleyellowdoor.wordpress.com/

12-20-12 Adjustment

The first time seeing my best friend Laurel in four months. I was a little worried that it would be strange because a lot of the kids from Conserve went home for Thanksgiving and came back saying that their friends weren't who they thought they were. I must say that I have NEVER met people like the awesome and amazing people at Conserve. I think that I have changed and so has she. It could take some getting used to, but at least I'm slowly adjusting we'll see. We are still very different. We are talking polar opposites, but we were like that before I left to, but perhaps even more so now since I have moved even further to the hippie end of the spectrum.She thinks it's mildly gross that I don't take showers as much as I used to, but as Aaron and I both agree our heavenly dandruff gets much worse the cleaner we are. Who knows when Mattie and Maeve showered. I tell people stories about Maeve and Dexter and Aaron and Mattie All the time. The reaction is the same: "Wow you guys must have been close (referring to everyone but especially Mattie, Maeve and I)! How many siblings does Dexter have? How long did Aaron not shower for? If Ellie is reading this, I would like to tell you that your photos that I've shown some people have been GREATLY praised. Coming back home has been loud and noisy. I don't know how I am going to live, but I'll make it through. Christmas seems like such a foreign concept and I am definitely not ready for it yet even though it is just around the corner. The one thing that I appreciated from Laurel was her knowing how hard it was for me to leave. She said she was glad to see me, but she felt bad for me because I was leaving behind my second family, but like my great aunt said to me yesterday, "Don't ever forget where your first home is."

PS Enjoy the end of the world tomorrow! :) Hope you haven't sold all of your worldly belongings!

12-19-12 Home

What a strange concept of home... The first person that I saw was the woman who cuts my hair. Joy Wright. What a warm welcome! Hugs and news from her about her wedding. It was terrific. Then I went to my sisters last advisory for school (and her last day of school too). I made an immense amount of pancakes with a munch of 7th graders. I don't think Bear and Bobcat wing were THAT loud! Wow! Loud noises are still very overwhelming.

Since coming home I have had so many things that I want to do. Among them would be playing the guitar, baking wild rice bread, playing "Piano Man" very badly on the piano, organizing the music (that I actually like) on my iPod and removing the stuff that I though was good (before I left and before I got a taste of ever better music), redoing my room, fining film for a 35mm Minolta camera, etc.


Monday, December 17, 2012

Serotinous

Meet Sorotinous! 

We are an A Capella group that hails from Chicago, North Carolina and Atlanta, and we debuted at the closing ceremony of Conserve School! Our band members include Jack Pine, Fire Brand, and Captain Kirk.


Keep an ear out for future posts about us!
One day we will be famous singing songs from Oh Brother Where Ar Thou?



12-17-12 Withdrawl

Wow it's seems like an eternity that I left Conserve. Everyone on facebook is posting pictures constantly and going through withdrawal. I miss everyone a lot, and it feels like a lifetime till I'll see some of them again. I have already written people (ah hem the Yates family and the Daw family). I think that I will be the last CS5 alum that will be getting home. I fly out of the Minneapolis airport tomorrow at 6:10 pm and won't reach the bustling Atlanta skyline. Since I got to Minneapolis I haven't yet gotten rid of the headache that I have. The streets are full of life, but so dead at the same time.

There are no forests and no wolves. No howling winds or dorm rooms full of giggling girls. No Jack Johnson blaring in Maeve's room. No peanut butter cookies with peppermint tea. Not long debates about Ishmael and while life is how it is. No interpretive dancing with Danielle. No Soulja Boy dancing with Ellie (and angry texts from Brooke telling us to stop because she's trying to sleep). No long walks in the woods. No photo opps with Mattie and Dexter. While all of this is sad, I know this couldn't have happened without an end. I'm glad that it all happened. I wouldn't have learned all the things about myself and about the world had I not been able to go and live in the great Lowenwood. But this is just the beginning. The start of change for the better. Change with the best side kicks by my side.

Life will be hard to get used to and life's going to be changed forever. Some people says that it will take a couple for months to get used to everything, but I don't want to get used to things. That would mean that I would forget everything that I learned.Judy laughs at me when I came inside from a walk at 11 pm and complained to her about how loud it was.  So for now I bid you farewell with a pounding headache from the noise and my bloodshot eyes from the bright lights.

But if Mattie, Aaron, Maeve, Luke, or Ellie re reading this Expect lots of bulging letters full of my mundane existence. You know what I say to you (Maeve) when I ramble so I'll stop... for now.


Sunday, December 16, 2012

12-16-12 Back to Life


While I was sitting in the car realizing how much Conserve School has changed me I started thinking not only about who I am as a person emotionally and what my new found pleasures were but also about what I think matters to me. Today at Judy's (my mother's college room mate) I sat and watched TV. I saw a TV add. I saw hundreds of cars. I saw commercial stores and most of all I saw less trees. I heard noises and saw neon signs. Everything was so full of life but in such a different way. I'm not sure how well I'll be able to adjust. Dexter's mom said that she had talked to one of the CS alumni and she had said that it takes a good 3 months to be able to slide back into everything, but I don't think that I will ever be able to "slide back in." Everything that I accepted as normal and fine are no longer normal and fine. They are foreign and sometimes they seem evil. But for your enjoyment I, here is what Maeve wrote on her blog a while ago. I agree whole heartedly.

  • Long underwear, all day, all the time
  • Woolen socks
  • Woolen blankets
  • Wool, in general
  • Peppermint tea
  • Film photography
  • Hot cocoa
  • Not showering
  • Not being clean, in general
  • My merrel vibram soled shoes
  • The benefits of hot glue guns
  • Books about wilderness exploration
  • Nutella and Penut butter on tortillas

Forgetting


Forgetting

You will be singing to yourself
Here is a gorgeous poem written by my dearest Maeve. It's titled Forgetting

All alone on a distant beach
And realize slowly, as a feeling of emptiness comes about you
That you have forgotten something, something vital
And you will feel like you should have known this would happen
And you curse yourself and your mind, your voice shaky as you whisper
Wondering aloud to the world – a world you expect to ignore you
And when it does, which it will, when the stars continue to die
You shrug and pad back up the beach to your four car family
Your toaster ovens and bottles of beer
You have forgotten the song you had been singing before
You have forgotten the purpose of singing
And how to sing, at all. 

Thursday, December 13, 2012

3000!

In a little under four months, I have received over 3000 views! I have people reading from all over the world! It's amazing how the word can spread. If you are a teenager looking for something cool check out Conserve School. I hope that you have enjoyed reading the blog and will apply! Thanks for reading! PEACE

Pictures from over the semester (in no particular order)

Alex, Mattie, Ella, Kaia

Garret

Dexter


Dexter

Maia and Mattie

Laura, Garret, Carolyn, Ana, Kai, Maeve

Kelsie

Dexter, Mattie, Mei-Jing

Carolyn, Kaia, Justin

Maia, Mattie, Mei-Jing

Luke

Alex and Mattie


Rob

Genna, Paige, Laura

Chase

Rob

Chase and Kaia

Mattie

Dexter

Aaron, Ana, Maia, Garrett, Mei-Jing, Dexter, Mattie

Shawn and Kaia

Genna and Paige

Paige, Ana, Brooke, Kelsie, Gwen

Zeki

Rob, Walton, Chris, Dylan

Mei-Jing, Laura, Paige, Genna

Genna and Mei-Jing


Paige


Paige, Mei-Jing, and Laura

Mei-Jing and Maia's knees

Maia

Michelle

Aaron, Ana, Maia, Garrett, Mattie, Dexter

Maia

Maia

Alex


Kaia


Hailey and Megan

Maeve

George, Paige, and Ana


Aaron

Genna

Kaia, Maeve, Mattie, Dexter

Rachel

Ana

Paige

George

Luke, Ellie, Andy, Tessa

Luke and Tessa

Mattie



Zeki

George

Chris

Meghan and Carolyn

Garrett

Hailey, Ellie, Gwen, Megan, Arjen


Dexter

Dexter

Carolyn and Mei-jing

Shawn

Maia

Zeki and Mei-Jing

Mattie

Maeve





Dexter and Maia

Mattie and Kaia

Jackie

Paige

Zeki and Garrett

Kasey

Shawn

Ian

Jackie

Dexter

Andy and Mei-Jing

Mei-jing, Maia, and Mattie

Ana and Jackie

Jackie


Shawn and Zeki



Colin

Katie, Julia, and Carolyn

Mattie and Maeve

Zeki

Carolyn

Jackie

Shawn

Dexter


Colin

Genna

Mattie






Kaia and Genna


Anna and Genna



Russ and Danielle

Andy and Mei-Jing

Anderson twins, Mei-Jing, Russ, Brian, Mattie, and Colin

Kai

Alex and Kai



Mei-Jingand Alex

Zeki and Luke

Ellia

Mattie

Kai

Laura and Kasey






Maeve







Ella

Rob



Jackie, Brooke, Meghan, and Colin



Jackie, Meghan, Carolyn, Colin, Zeki



Roby

Jessie

Brooke

Genna

Ana and mei-Jing

Megan







Olivia, Garrett, Ian


Ellie


Olivia and Chase

Russ

Mattie

Chase (after catching a frog)

Russ, Mattie, Aaron, Mei-Jing, Garrett


Maia

Luke and Aaron

Kai

Luke and Tessa

Dexter, Mattie, and Maeve

Ella

Katie


Kaia

Ellia dn Julia


Mandy

Saige

Dylan

Walton, Tessa, and Julia

Brian, Julia, and Hailey